Just under 13,000 households were displaced after the Los Angeles wildfires. A home is not just a physical space — it is a connection to community and to family. For parents and caregivers, the fires brought an overwhelming mix of emotions. They are caught between managing their own stress and trying to help their children make sense of it all.
Families with children are in an unparalleled position. Whether these families lost their homes or not, parents and caregivers are challenged with explaining the fires to kids who might not have the skills to wrap their brains around the destruction. Parents also juggle their own stress and emotions while communicating what is happening with their children.
Here are some steps for talking with your kids about the fires:
1. Start the conversation, even if it’s hard
- You might have a gut reaction to protect your kids from negative emotions like anxiety or sadness, but doing so could be worse for your children in the long run.
- You don’t have to pretend that everything is ok. While you don’t have to go into detail, being honest that the situation is scary validates the way your child might feel.
2. Keep it simple and honest
- Many kids don’t have the attention span for a lengthy chat, and emotionally, they can’t handle all the news all at once.
- Try to provide factual information as little a time as possible, and encourage your child to ask questions.
- Choose your language carefully; while older kids might understand metaphors like “we lost our house,” a younger child could take that phrase literally.
- Even if the fires haven’t directly affected your home, your kids might be confused why they can’t play outside, for example. Use honesty and say things like “The smoke is dangerous, so even though we can’t smell it, we need to stay inside to keep us safe.”
| Other useful phrases for talking with kids about the wildfires: |
|---|
| “You’re right, fires are scary and dangerous. I’m here to keep you safe.” |
| “Firefighters are putting out the fire, and we as a family have a plan to protect you.” |
| “It’s normal to feel upset about what is happening.” |
| “I don’t have an answer to your question, but we can learn about it together.” |
| “What are five things you miss about our home? What are five things you’re thankful for?” |
3. Watch how your child is feeling and acting
- Is your child asking a lot of questions? When they express curiosity about a topic, it shows they are interested and ready to have conversations.
- Does your child seem inattentive or bored with talk about the fires? This behavior shows they might not be ready to talk about it.
- Many kids, especially younger ones, express themselves through play; their make-believe will often show you how they think and feel, and could open the door for talk about the fires.
4. Meet your child where they are
- What’s normal for a 4-year-old might look different from what is normal for a teenager.
- Preschool-age children might have reactions like fear of the dark or regression of behaviors.
- Elementary school children might be irritable, have poor concentration, or avoid going to school.
- Adolescents might become agitated, have more arguments, or complain about physical pain.
5. Manage emotions with coping strategies
- Does your child love to read? Take them to the library. Do they like being outdoors? Go to the park or the beach.
- Get your kids involved in the response to the disaster. Have them write thank-you notes to the first responders, or bring them with you to volunteering or donation efforts.
- Limit media exposure. Kids are still learning how to handle big feelings, so too much media coverage can feel overwhelming fast. Instead, focus on a creative activity or a family game.
6. Keep a few routines steady
- Children are creatures of habit and thrive on a regular schedule. For instance, if being displaced or changing schools throws routines out of order, try to find some predictability with family dinner or bedtime rituals.
- Many kids, especially adolescents, will benefit from social connections or after-school activities.
7. Practice your family’s safety plan
- Kids feel more confident when they know what to expect. It might not be comfortable, but practicing emergency preparedness gives kids a sense of control over a situation they might feel helpless.
- Give your kids a specific task as part of the emergency plan, such as grabbing a first aid kit or choosing the family meeting spot.
8. Get support for you and your child
- Your child might need long-term support. While the disaster itself might have lasted for a short time, the aftermath can last months or years.
- Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. It can be challenging to help your child navigate their emotions and worries about the fires while also managing your own. Find support from a partner, friend, community resources, or mental health professional.
Here are some local and national mental health services:
For additional services, visit this list of pro bono therapy resources, compiled by Nicole Arzt, LMFT.
Whether your family was directly or indirectly affected by the wildfires, talking to children about the devastation can be challenging. Take a deep breath or talk to a friend to calm your own stress before jumping into conversations with your child. Keep the exchanges short and simple. Acknowledge your child’s feelings, and remind them you are there to keep them safe.
Disclaimer: The content shared in our blog is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or financial advice. Please consult with a qualified professional for guidance specific to your situation.
